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How to Listen without Judging April 6, 2009

Posted by lyndastucky in Communication.
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Can you listen without judging? It may seem easy but it requires total concentration and letting go of previous history/knowledge with the speaker and the topic. Good listeners accept others point of view even if they don’t accept what a person says. It is just listening and leaving the person who is speaking feeling like he or she has been heard. By focusing on the person’s words and determining what the speaker is telling or asking for, then summarizing or asking for clarification, you become a listener who isn’t judgmental.

But what about listening while you are under personal attack?  It’s even harder to listen without judging under these circumstances but staying calm and following the guidelines above are very important.  Sometimes the speaker who is giving feedback is just venting their own frustrations so instead of hitting back, allow the person to get rid of all the negativity.  Asking clarifying questions will only help your attacker feel like he or she is understood, too. 

Do you have a success story when keeping your cool under personal attack was a positive experience?



1. William Weil - April 14, 2009

This is the #1 most important thing for any relationship. I talk about this a lot in my book New Earth Relationships – not just listening, but really giving the speaker the experience of being heard… even if she is attacking you, even if what she’s saying seems off-the-wall and/or patently untrue, and validating what is being said – not patronizing, but really getting into the shoes of the speaker.

2. lyndastucky - April 15, 2009

You are so right but it isn’t necessarily easy to do. It takes a lot of control, doesn’t it? I’d love to read your new book. Thanks for the post.

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